Monday, December 28, 2009

Transplant or bust...

Well I made up my mind, transplant it is.

Final straw came on Saturday the 26th, I went to Rite Aid to pick up some protein drinks. Upon returning home I had to literally drop the bags outside the door (spilling the contents of course) and sit down. I just could not move enough air to even carry a few items in the house even though I had my O2 on. As I sat there gasping for breath and frustrated at my failure a great clarity came over me (sounds like bullshit, but is true). This is no way to live, having to plan out every action and still not being able to exist with any kind of normalcy (yes I know I have never been normal...). After that event I took a good look in the mirror before showering, reminded me of my weight lifting days, sitting on the bench with 130 pound dumbbells on my thighs staring at the person in the mirror. Looking into my eyes (through my eyes) and having the nagging feeling of knowing it will be tough if not impossible to push the weight and that it will hurt the whole time, but full well knowing the weight needs to move in order to reach my goals. I will either fail or succeed, but know I will leave nothing in the tank its all or nothing now. I have pushed myself beyond its limits many times with success and I know it's time to do it again. So I guess I should crank up the music and psych myself up for what is to come....and move that weight!

So now my energies move to planning out how best to do this with minimal impact and preparing for what is to come, one way or the other. Being a goal oriented person I work much better in this mode anyway.

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